By Arlene Washburn, Matchmaker & Science-Based Dating and Relationship Coach

Dating can be a challenging and daunting task, and it often comes with a lot of pressure, high expectations, and uncertainty. With this in mind, it’s understandable why people would have their fair share of limiting beliefs about dating and relationships. Sometimes these beliefs cause accomplished women to be single when they could otherwise be in a relationship.

A belief is an acceptance that a statement or a thought is true for you. Limiting beliefs do not require facts, nor do they need to be accurate. Everything we say or do runs through the filter of our thoughts, and the problem with that process is our beliefs can limit and cause failures in our lives.

Accomplished women often hear the question, “why are you still single?” Often, they can’t answer the question with absolute certainty because what they tell themselves about why they are still single is far from the subconscious truth. So let’s break it down by decoding three beliefs that keep accomplished women single.

Remember, these are just 3 of the many reasons I’ve heard with over a decade of coaching women. There are many, and you only need one to keep you single, so let’s start with decoding these top three:

  1. All the good men are gay or taken. If I had a nickel for every time I hear that statement! Usually, this statement means I’m unclear about what I want. Women feel they don’t have the right filter for selecting a partner. If you don’t believe me, answer me this, are you someone who only goes on first dates? Perhaps, you think when Mr. Right shows up, you’ll recognize him, but when you’re unclear, he never shows because you wouldn’t recognize him if he did. Sometimes, I’m too picky translates into waiting for someone to pick me because I have a broken picker, and I don’t trust my judgment to choose a partner. It’s the picky ones who end up in toxic situations or putting up with subpar individuals. If you refuse to choose, you’re allowing yourself to be selected. If you give up your right to choose, you get what you get.
  2. I’m so accomplished that I intimidate men and can’t find my equal. Let me state this for the record; women do not intimidate men. Some men feel inadequate around certain women for their reasons, and that’s not the woman’s fault or business. Some women put off men based on their communication style, irrespective of their fabulous looks or the fortune they may have amassed. If you think you’re intimidating men, figure out your communication style. Perhaps your idea of building rapport is to one-up, name-drop, or compete to impress. When a person is looking for a partner, those would not be the traits they’re seeking. A partnership is an arrangement where the parties agree to advance their mutual interests. Competing is the complete opposite. Why do we compete in the first place? There’s a long explanation for that, going back to our childhood interactions with boys, our brothers, and sometimes the beliefs our families inculcate.
  3. Love will come when I stop looking, and I least expect it. What in the world comes when you stop and least expect it? Did any of your other successes come that way? Society loves to spread this little lie, and so do many religions. They tell you to sit, pray and wait. No, Mam, that’s not how it works. You put effort into anything you want in life. You can get clear about what you want, decide that you’re going for it, pray about it, and take massive action until it’s a done deal.

Look, I get it, and I came from all of it. These ideas are not new to me or solely based on the clients I’ve served. I had to overcome the same thinking which kept me stuck, choosing the wrong partners and projecting my failures about relationships on others. When I got REAL, I understood that what I think affects what I say and do. That was the game-changer that got me to my happily ever after. And now, I’m on a mission to help women achieve their relationship goals. It’s hard to admit the underlying truths of our limiting beliefs, but the truth will set you free.

About the Author

Hi, I’m Arlene Washburn, Master Executive Certified Matchmaker and Science-Based Dating and Relationship Coach. I founded AVConnexions Premier Coaching and Matchmaking over a decade ago to work with the world’s most elite singles with helping them attract their ideal match. Our clients are busy, successful professionals who need help to achieve their relationship goals. We help them through a comprehensive science-based and research-based approach to coaching and matchmaking.

I’m the former CEO of the oldest and only state-licensed school for matchmaking in America. In that capacity, I traveled to Asia, Europe, the Caribbean, and the US to train hundreds of matchmakers. Now, I teach singles the same techniques I use so they too can match themselves through my Get REAL Get Love coaching platform. Apply to join the women’s January 2022 online live group coaching to go from single to a relationship in 90-days.